


A Violation of Standard Research Protocol

by Square Pudding (mistaken)



Series: SASO 2016 Fills [2]
Category: Corruption of Champions, Haikyuu!!
Genre: Animal Traits, Aphrodisiacs, Body Horror, Eating inadvisable things, I mean it's CoC AU so, M/M, Missing/changed body parts, Transformation, Tsundere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:28:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7510144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistaken/pseuds/Square%20Pudding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kuroo gets a cat dick and just really wants to try it out with his boyfriend.</p><p>For SASO and Doxy, who prompted KuroTsuki and the whisker fruit item from Corruption of Champions, because they love me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Violation of Standard Research Protocol

"So let's review. You came across an unidentified specimen while out on patrol..."

"Yep."

"...You did the usual, photos, set down a marker, took a trunk sample, took a few samples of the fruit for further analysis back at the lab..."

"Uh-huh."

"...And got a bit hungry on your way back to camp, so you decided to just _eat one_."

"Yes."

"Of an unknown tree."

"Sure."

"In a world where everything wants to either rape or kill you."

"Yeah, but... it didn't?"

Tsukishima sighed, pushing up his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. Kuroo took a quick glance down at his lap: did this mean he should be stashing his dick away already? And here he'd thought surprising-the-boyfriend-at-work-with-some-new-genitals was an inspired play on his part.

"And to top it all off, you want _me_ to file the rest of your report," Tsukishima continued as he turned away in his chair, papers tapping on the surface of his desk. Yeah; definitely a sign things were not heading in a sexy direction right now. "This assignment is just a joke to you, isn't it?"

Kuroo made a face at Tsukishima's back. Implicit in the question was whether Kuroo thought _he_ was a joke, and that's a minefield Kuroo had had no intention of walking into when he came in here.

Because this had all been Tsukki's idea, hadn't it, doing a year in Mareth? It wasn't like Kuroo was hurting for research gigs; he already had his doctorate and a wealth of private institutions ready to offer him a tenure track job... But Tsukishima still needed to finish his dissertation, and it had been no easy thing, working up the courage to ask Kuroo to come with him for this. Obviously it hadn't, because Tsukki never made _any_ request lightly, far less 'drop what you're doing and come live with me in the Fuck Dimension for a year.'

The secret was that Kuroo nearly _would_ drop whatever he was doing to follow Tsukki somewhere, even if it wasn't the Fuck Dimension. The fact that Mareth had A Reputation had certainly helped, of course.

"It's not a joke," Kuroo said levelly, leaning forward on the examination cot. "I just thought... you might like experimenting now and then, now that you got a, you know."

"A vagina. You're not five, Kuroo-san." Tsukishima didn't even look up from his paperwork, busily checking off the boxes Kuroo had left blank when filling out the field report. "And I'm not putting something in there that looks like it should be used to wash dishes."

Ouch. Belatedly, Kuroo remembered to tuck his piece back under his skirt. Most of the researchers based in Mareth wore 'easy access' clothing like this, if only to better accommodate tails and all the other things the local vegetation tended to do to a human body, and who was Kuroo to turn away an opportunity. Tsukki, disappointingly, had stuck with his shorts -- he had very few modifications at all, pussy aside, which Kuroo always thought was a damn shame. Not that the pussy wasn't very nice by itself! It was just Tsukishima seemed to have no luck at all _coming_ with it, and that's why Kuroo thought he'd, well, help out.

Not that he was any good at _saying_ as much.

"Come on," Kuroo said, managing a small chuckle. "Mareth wouldn't grow a plant that _actually_ made banging harder, you know? The spines aren't even that rough."

"Not interested." Tsukishima punctuated the statement by flipping over a page of the report and tsked. "You didn't even do a leaf rubbing?"

He attempted his best swaggering grin. "I thought maybe you an' me could do a little rubbing--"

 _"Kuroo-san."_ Double-entendres were just not on right now, it seemed. At all. "If that's all you came here for, go find Sugawara-san and let me get back to finishing _your_ work."

* * *

Sugawara, to his credit, was very accommodating. Officially a senior researcher, he mostly served as the lake outpost's chief morale officer, resolving conflicts and offering companionship when needed. He was _very_ good at offering companionship.

"Well, you really should have filled out the report better, if you wanted to get into his good graces," he said afterwards, when they were spooned together in Kuroo's bunk, a sticky mess of tangled limbs and bedhead. "It may just be a regular research expedition for you, but for him it's his dissertation."

"I know that," Kuroo sighed, shifting an arm to fit Suga even better against his side. "But who decides to do their diss on biodiversity in the Fuck Dimension and then doesn't wanna screw around when they get here?"

Suga hummed. "Maybe he was worried about you."

Kuroo groaned. Now that Sugawara said it aloud, it seemed obvious. Of _course_ Tsukishima was upset that he'd gone and eaten some unknown fruit just to see what would happen -- and then turned in a half-assed report, of all things. He'd just been so eager to try out his new dick with an eager partner, he hadn't really thought through the rest of it.

Dragging a hand over his face, Kuroo said, "Guess I better make it up to him."

"Helping him with some field data would be a nice start," Sugawara said cheerfully, burying his face into Kuroo's shoulder. "After that you can try apologizing to him directly. Also, no."

"'No'?"

"No, the barbs aren't too sharp."

* * *

Apart from conducting research on Mareth's fresh water sources and tributaries, the lake outpost was best known as the principal supplier of purified Incubi Draft and Succubi Milk. The purification process was technically handled by a local -- an elderly Mareth native known as Rathazul, who made a killing from the whole thing, apparently -- but packaging and transport was conducted over supply lines established and maintained by the research posts and hired defense contractors. It wasn't the most dangerous gig in the world, but you still heard about transports getting held up by packs of goblins and whatnot, so every now and then a call was put out for some extra security. Kuroo wasn't usually a fan of volunteering, but this shipment _was_ bound for Tel'Adre, so he thought: why not.

It was a quiet trip, all told. The caravan made a quick pitstop at the forest outpost on the fourth day, unloading some cargo and stocking up on drums of bee honey to be sold at market. Kuroo didn't exactly see the virtue of drinking the stuff, personally, but one sly-faced researcher stationed at the outpost seemed mainly insect from the neck down, so he guessed it must appeal to _someone_.

At Tel'Adre, Kuroo wrapped up his share of the heavy lifting and hit the shops. Mareth had few native settlements that could be considered more than a village, but Tel'Adre was _huge_ , easily the size of one of the denser urban districts of Tokyo. Kuroo ducked past half a dozen brothel signs, stepped lightly over a puddle of (what he hoped was) beer outside one of countless pubs, and refused the advances of no less than seven bipeds of various shapes and genders before he found himself outside the correct storefront, an out-of-the-way 'medicinal herbs' shack with the audacity to call itself an emporium.

Twenty minutes later, he walked out of the building with a hell of a bargain. Even before Mareth, Kuroo would have considered himself a great barterer, and it was considerably easier in a realm where most merchants accepted blowjobs as currency.

* * *

"Where did you find this?" Tsukishima asked, a week later, his eyes lighting up the moment the bundle of dried leaves hit his desk.

Kuroo grinned widely, hands at his hips (he'd yet to find a skirt with pockets). "Just knew a guy who knew a guy," he said, so casually it prompted another eyeroll from his boyfriend.

Tsukki didn't banish him from his sight, though, so he must've done something right. That or two weeks' absence had done a lot to cool the tension between them. Kuroo reached a hand back to scratch a sudden itch at the back of his scalp.

"I heard you say these didn't grow lakeside anymore, what with the corrosion field effect," he continued, dropping most of the swagger in his voice. Only most of it, though. "So I figured if they got pushed out toward a dryer climate, somebody in Tel'Adre might've come across them."

"Thank you," Tsukishima murmured. His eyes still fixed on the bundle, he carefully pulled open the drawstring cord and drew out one of the leaves, dark brown and twisted in on itself so tightly it appeared more like a nut than anything. Tsukishima held it in the palm of his hand for a moment before -- suddenly, without any preamble to speak of -- popping it into his mouth.

Kuroo found he had to collect his jaw off the floor.

"Did you just--?" he squawked.

"Mm," was Tsukishima's reply, softly chewing.

"But they're not officially documented! Are they? You haven't even started a file on them!"

"We know _most_ of what they do, based on local records," Tsukishima reasoned, sounding completely unfazed, despite the pink blush spreading across his cheeks. "I wasn't expecting it to take effect this quickly..."

"Tsukki...?"

"Well?" Tsukishima stood up abruptly, undoing the scarf around his neck, and then beginning on his shirt. There was an unmistakable damp spot at the crotch of his very-inaccessible cargo shorts, not that Kuroo was about to comment on it or anything. "You had the rest of an apology worked out, didn't you?"

"It seems kinda hypocritical now seeing as you _just went and ate some unknown aphrodisiac_ ," said Kuroo, unsure why he was even protesting. It didn't stop him from straightening up immediately -- in more ways than one -- when Tsukishima climbed into his lap on the examination cot. " _God_ , you're hot like this -- I mean actually hot, your skin is _burning_ \--"

"Shut up," said Tsukishima, leaning his weight onto Kuroo's shoulder so the latter would have no choice but to lie back. "It should numb things -- down there -- you won't have to go easy on me like this--"

Kuroo decided he couldn't exactly tell Tsukishima he'd already test-driven the new dick -- Tsukki probably knew anyway, nearly everyone went to Suga now and then, including him -- but all that came out was something like a short, distressed yelp as his skirt was pushed aside. "Who's going easy?" he gasped. "I'm about to beg for mercy here--"

"Mercy not granted. You still have to apologize for giving yourself that -- thing."

"It's just a cat dick, Tsukki, you're not fi-- _ohfuckshitfuck_."


End file.
